New Year, New Attitude!

January is here. As a matter of fact, February is pushing its way through. I didn't make any resolutions, but I have made some changes in the way I live and think. I have a new church home, Harvest. My pastor is teaching the word, and no longer will I be a hearer alone, but a doer of the word as well. I am trying desperately to crack open my bible before going to bed.

I have disconnected some unhealthy and some long lasting relationships. Although I have not explained to several of them why I need to break free, I know that it is time to move on. I believe my season is here. I believe my letting go of gossip, lust, envy, and pretense friendships will give me a chance to reflect on God's will for my life. Sometimes I feel like those who I no longer associate with will think of me as being pious or trying to think I'm too good to hang or talk to them. I know this sounds like high school drama, but I'm grown and have these feelings. Maybe I'm a people pleaser, but I really shouldn't give a hoot what they think about me wanting to do better. I too am human, and I still struggle with my flesh (lust), gossip, alcohol, dirty text messages, and anger.

A perfect example, the language teacher who teaches beside me has a tendency of playing loud explosive games at any given period of the day or any day of the week. This is a good teaching strategy, and I know the kids really love her games. But at the same time, I am frustrated because I want to tell her please keep it down. I'm on the other side of you, and I hear all the laughter, and the whatever you guys are doing. This is a distraction and my students aren't listening to me becuase they are laughing at you guys laughing next door. So I lied to her and sent her a note by saying that I was giving a test and could she please hold it down a little. She replied sure, but I could tell that tension has built between us. Why should I have to lie about how I'm feeling? What I really wanted to tell her was, "Don't you care about other's feelings?" We can't hear ourselves think because you are too busy trying to win the teacher of the year award by seeing who can laugh the loudest. Is this really teaching and learning? Are your games going to be on the state standardized test? Well, I punked out and sent the cute note instead, but inside I'm angry or maybe jealous of her. I am angry because I think she is inconsiderate of me. Sometimes I think she's doing it jsut to annoy me, but this too shall pass. One day, I will get the guts and have a grown conversation with her and express how I really feel. I just hope the devil don't allow me to get angry because of my feelings. And I should know too well that FEELINGS come and go!